a small portion, to be polite. With cheese.

My friend Jackie Beat has written a lot of songs and parodies in honour of Jesus's birthday. In fact she's infamous for her annual Christmas shows, during which she twists and perverts traditional holiday songs and themes. She even brought her show to Hula's a while back!

Apparently this year's show is called "All You Can Eat", which is still stunning as we go to print. Unfortunately she's not bringing her buffet to the islands this year, but I served upp some samples to savour, in honour of our saviour.



Jackie's done a lot of work with photographer & video director Austin Young. "Santa's Baby"tells the story of a woman date-raped on Jesus' Birthday, and her internal torments & turmoil.



Her show could be described as info-tainment (which Jackie'd probbly appreciate, since she's a late-night TV addict). I love how she manages to make fun of both Black and White people, while teaching us about Kwanzaa, an ethnic holiday Americans pretend to acknowledge, though we know even less about it than we do about Hannukah.



Oh, and by the way, Jackie's Fuckin' Brilliant!

Her aptly put site JackieBeatRules.com is held upp a skosh, but keep checking for chances to see her live show, or buy her CDs.

Get off to Jackie's other band Dirty Sanchez, whose album was "Really Rich Italian Satanists" was influential in determining the direction of electronic music, stage shows - even sexual mores - over the past decade.

You may also recognize Jackie from several of her many film & tv roles, including "Flawless" with Robert DeNiro, or "Flawless" with Tera Patrick, and "Blue Movie" with Jenna Jameson.

I was craving some levity, and wanted to share. Didn't mean to forcefeed or overstuff y'all. If you still can't get enough, she'll sometimes throw you a bone if you visit her home or just follow her. If you do, I've been there too. Consider yourself warned: Her enormous talent & monster ego are a feast for the senses and bit tough to swallow at times. But it's definitely fulfilling and good for you, if you don't bite off more than your stomach can handle. Bon appetit!

Shaka Kalikimaka, you fakas!