Sunday, March 2, 2008

Diamond Head Video @ Kalakaua+Kapiolani

This just in: Local wild child turned professional porn star Nautica Thorn will make her second appearance back home, once again at Diamond Head Video on Kalakaua Ave. Probbly be a similar set upp with her selling and signing videos and photos (what'll porn stars do after all the Polaroid film runs out?). I still gotta check out her latest movie "Straight Fucking". It's like there's no story, no dialogue, no music, just the sounds of sex.
Diamond Head Video - Ok, here's my disclaimer: I work at Diamond Head Video, have for about 4 years. It gets deeper than that, but I'll avoid the personal. Yet even if I didn't work there, I would be pushing DHV, 1) Because it's locally owned & operated and 2) I believe these types of stores are valuable to society, exposing people to art at their leisure, and creating a historical reference library. It sounds a little coocoo, but it's how I feel, so move on.

I've worked in video rental stores for most of my life, and I love it, 'cause you get to know customers pretty well, since they have to come back to return their DVDs. You can tell a lot about someone by the kinda movies they like. Plus, it's fun to share & discuss films with others, turning them on to my favourites, and discovering new ones they recommend. Some folks get real passionate about these things, and it's not that rare for a heated argument to erupt over something kinda dorky.Diamond Head Video can rightfully claim to have Hawaii's largest DVD rental selection. Everything from G thru XXX, even TV shows! If they don't have it, you still don't gotta to leave empty-handed. And long before the surge in interest, DHV was well-known for their expansive Foreign, Gay and Documentary sections. Korean soap operas are still purty popular.
True, the store has a reputation for supplying much of the island's porn, but there's a big choice of kid's movies, TV shows, mixed martial arts, or anything you wanna see. The Blu-Ray collection is growing as well, but the adult industry is still debating whether to promote Blu-Ray porn, 'cause the picture is so good, you'd be able to see all the caked-on make-upp and zits or other imperfections of the "talent").
The only non-porn movies for sale are previously-viewed rentals, but there's a lotta current titles for cheap, and new ones are added all the time. Most are priced either $6.95 or $9.95.
One thing I've always admired about DHV, is it's sort of diminished some of the stigma of renting and buying porn. Couples come in together; or one parent will look around upp front with the kids while the other checks out the "Adult Area". Some people still giggle and act silly; others casually come and go through our back entrance; while yet others seem to believe no one can see them if they don't make eye contact or speak. But our store is so well-lit, and our selection upp front makes us legit, that the porn is just a natural extension of being diverse and well-stocked.
It's comforting to know that even with all the barebacking (condomless) porn, people of all ages, gay and straight, still buy condoms. Either the big boxes, or individually. I like the grape flavoured ones.
Adult store reliables like magazines and video head cleaners are still in demand. The latest craze now is "Rize 2 the Occasion", it's one of many brands of "Male performance enhancers", but this one comes highly recommended, even from a notorious well-bred chronic meth user. My favourite stuff to sell is found on the wall of things to pleasure yourself with. Women swear by the Pocket Rocket. When guys come into buy phallic things, they always pick the biggest most realistic looking kind. Women actually want something petite but powerful, compact and inconspicuous. However, when girls have time to really get down to business, I've heard one say the Rabbit "does everything you cannot do."
I like giving guys a hand when it comes to feeling good, so I highly recommend something from our wide array of shaped gel and latex body parts and pieces. They have a tiny hole that stretches to fit and conform to a man very snugly and slippery. I liken it to having sexual relations with a gummy bear. After I say that, they usually buy one.They come in every shape from a glow-in-the-dark anus, to porn star Kaylani Lei's foot in a high heel, and even transsexual porn star Gia Darling's torso from bust to crotch. [The latex fist in the picture above is for another act altogether].
The store looks deceptively small from the street. But once in the parking lot, you still might not figure out it's L-shaped, with like a full 'nother wing of porn you didn't expect.We have an ever-growing number of Adult DVDs for rent too, with big sections of Bang Bros, Classics, and Celebrity titles. Local girl Nautica Thorn has more than a shelf dedicated to movies she's been in, for rent and for sale. Rumour has it that Nautica will be making a return visit to DHV Kalakaua sometime in May 2008, which should be exciting. Last time was a lot of fun. When she's working, Nautica's pretty wild. But in her private time, she just likes to hang out with family and friends while she's here. Tera Patrick's made appearances at two of our stores also. She's pretty mellow and sweet, but has a big following, so she works hard to see as many fans as she can in the short time she has during an event. Two male porn stars did signings at DHV but I never went. The old ugly one, Max Hardcore I hear was an a**hole. The gay one Roman Hart was supposedly a big partier, and even missed his flight. Neither drew as big a crowd as Tera. Some of the best times to be had working in an adult video store, are just reading the box cover titles, and laughing at how idiotic, and often racist some of the names are. My favourites are stupid like "Splooge on My Boobs" or "Overcopulation". One that I can't get over is "Transsexual Babysitters". Two words, which alone are not bad. Together, the term has so many vague implications, it's feels wrong to feel bad liking it. Tranny movies are surprisingly popular by the way. Lotta straight guys, expecially married men, get them, and sometimes their wives are in on it. I guess they're attracted to feminine ideals, but can't resist that one masculine appeal.

I didn't get the M.I.L.F. thing until I watched a scene. It only makes sense that if gay guys have a thing for Daddies and being dominated in a youthful way, straight guys gotta have the same thing for Mommies. Like having a crush on your teacher, and actually getting to live out that fantasy.

It's hard when someone asks for a porn recommendation. Since there are so many degrees of sexuality, with the new crop of porn trying to give you every possible turn-on recordable, that question usually leads to more questions. What turns you on? What kinda girls/guys you like? Do you like stories or just gonzo (nothing but sex). Following are are a few of my favourite adult movies, but working at DHV, I'm kinda over-sexed, so I'm kinda over sex. It takes more than hot action to get me excited.
The Devil in Miss Jones: Georgina Spelvin's character led a sinless life; however, the way she died mandates she be sent to Hell. She makes a deal and gets to go back to Earth to earn her passage to Eternal Damnation. The final scene is so twisted it'll mess with your mind for days.

Surfer Girls: The girls of Shane's World come to Oahu to surf, and these lucky ladies ride some major swells. Straight off the streets these girls pick upp local and visiting surfer guys to have sex with them on camera. One of the only major straight porn movies to feature an actual local, possibly Hawaiian, guy. Incredible!

Deep Throat: The movie that helped porn cross over into the mainstream. An unusually funny but well-written story, with a silly soundtrack, this movie was the most controversial film of it's time. Not only for the sex, but for all the legal battles the cast and crew endured after its release, as shown in the documentary "Inside Deep Throat". The star, Linda Lovelace briefly became an empowering figure for women's sexuality, and even was a popular write-in candidate for US President...until her later denounciation of the film, claiming she was forced to perform by her boyfriend, and the movie is a documentation of rape. In her 50's she posed for Playboy. She died a legend in obscurity.

Straight College Men #37 Hawaii: Day Four: These gay-for-pay series are best to watch in order, to see these guys gradually brake down from reluctant to eager participants. Hawaii: Day Four is just about the tipping point where these str8 guys start to seem too comfortable with their job of getting it on with each other for cash and prizes.

Band of Lovers: This film brakes so many rules, it's almost damning to enjoy it. From defying Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell, to the multi-layered offense of Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" playing in the background, and the cigar-chompin' Christly climax on beds draped in Old Glory, this corrupted cast of crewcut cuties gives new meaning to the term "dishonourable discharge."

Diamond Head Video
DHV Kalakaua: 1745 Kalakaua Ave @ Kapiolani, (808)943-6066, Open 24 HRS
DHV Kakaako: 747 Queen St @ Cooke St, (808) 597-9099, Open 9am to midnight
DHV Aiea: 98-199 Kamehameha Highway, (808) 487-9099, Open 24 HRS

explore their site at, or sign upp for weekly New Release bulletins at

This commercial still includes the now closed Kailua store, but doesn't mention DHV Kakaako, because that store isn't so family-friendly.

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