Wednesday, October 27, 2010

u downe?

I'm super nervous about November 6, when I have to emcee the next downetowne party "Miss Medic", at Bar 35. I'm kinda into the "Medical Fetish Theme", but not sure how their mostly-lesbian following will take to my style (whatever that may be). I'm not even sure what to expect that night, but luckily, Cocoa Chandelier will be performing that evening as well! So even if I suck, Cocoa's gonna uppstage me anyway. She and I will be sharing the stage for one musical number (not sure if we'll have an extra player), as well as a solo performance each. I haven't told my friend Mish yet, that I'm stealing a skit which she conceived a few years ago. But I'm bigger than her, and a guy. So, me worry? Please.

Cocoa Chandelier was crowned Universal Showqueen in 2008, the most prestigious title within the Transgender community in Hawaii. She is also the Artist-in-Residence at Leeward Community College, after contributing her talents as choreographer, costume design and artistic direction, after years of participation in Drama and Dance. Cocoa was assistant director and dancer for Iona Contemporary Dance Theatre for over 13 years, founded the House of Chandelier, and Giinko Marischino performance groups, seen frequently around Hawaii. She is and advocate for HIV/AIDS within the Pacific Island and Polynesian communities.

It is a daunting gig, though. My girl Ruby Hong & her associates have been creating quite a scene for years now. With Ruby's tomboy tastes, and the legion of lipstick lezzies I've heard fly in from outer islands, you could expect to encounter more than your zen garden variety of granola-grazing birkenstock-rocking butchies. In fact, locals from all walks of life, flock to this once-a-month theme party. So I hope it's okay if I just be myself, and remember that you can't please everybody.
It was kinda awkward when I had to write a bio. I don't like to hype myself too much, because if my audience has high expectations, it's easier to let them down. I hope I didn't set myself upp with the following synopsis of my "career" (The word Bio wasn't supposed to be there at the beginning, but it kinda sounded like I was the product of some eugenics experiment gone wrong, so I didn't correct it):

Bio-Cult figurine Diar "D.R" Rhea has been an ensemble playa on the scene for years. On stage with the House of Chandelier, or in one of her earpiercing bands like Imminent Riot, she's fed Honolulu a different diet of draggery, full of femmeboyant faggotry infused with politipunk hackery. This multi-media darling would also have to be an acclaimed (self-proclaimed) "zine geek". Her Shaka Zine has mocked tv screens once a week for 2 seasons, with their monthly chat show, Shaka Talk on Olelo. Mellow but manic, she hopes not to panic, streetwalking in traffic downetowne!

We'll see how everything goes. I already got a couple costumes in mind, although no one's answered my craigslist ad seeking a "reliable actor" to be part of my solo number, things usually fall into place. Ruby's always been a friend, and I'm anxious to see what everyone else is wearing. Plus got go-go dancers, and DJ KSM, so I'll have fun even if I flop. And nowadays, all the hottest guys wind upp having vaginas, so hopefully I meet some sapphic pseudo-star fucker.


SHAKA ZINE said...

We got there kinda late, because Cocoa was running on mahu time. Lianne at the door was very welcoming, and so was Yuki who hooked me upp at the Bar. I had to ask DJ Ms. Angel if she knew who was gonna my boss for the night, since Ruby wasn't around (I shoulda asked if she'd be at the party when Ruby booked me as MC.) Anyway, Ana aka "LA Cutie" was running things that night, and she handled it hunny! There was no stage, dim lights, my costume further blinded me and the mic kept cutting out during mine & Cocoa's duet, and I had to keep interuppting Ms. Angel's set to introduce each of the acts. But Ana was very accomodating, I kept catching glimpses of Mimi3000's smile, style maven Selena made an appearance, Norm & Dan from Kids Klub days hung out, a drag king from Ohio offered to jump onstage for an impromptu performance, and by the time Cocoa did her solo number (then dashed), we had house lights & clean sound. I took a brake from the mic, took a walk to my car, took a toke off my pipe, then took my ass back to the bar. My roommate, co-hostess & closest friend Ty totally saved me that night. The Craigslist casting ad I posted wasn't too appealing, so no one responded. Earlier that week and without my asking, Ty offered to help me on stage if I didn't find no one. He's the coolest! DJ KSM cued upp my song and I told the crowd I was happy that my friend was drunk, because I perfected the procedure to turn someone into a lesbian. When Ty passed out on the floor, "Operate" by Peaches came out of the speakers, and I knew what I had to do. I take off Ty's clothes, put water-filled condom-tits in his shirt & cut off his dick, then make out and dry hump him on the floor. My girl Kesha & my boy (and former drummer from PJ & the D) Willie did special effects for us, and helped us remain grounded after. We heard some hoots & applause, but also got some dirty looks, or just ignored. I wonder if anyone was mad at me because I said I chose to be a lesbian that night, and then castrated my friend to make him a lesbian too. If so that'd be cool. The gogo girls Mochi & Shaeja still smiled at me after the show, Ana thanked me for working the party, and Lianne took care of me right away. For all the bumps in the road, I think we made it through the night purty happy. We ran into Cocoa & Selena at Fusion afterwards, then continued the messiness over at Wailana with Pat, Kamiko & Samu. They sat us with some wild weirdo 'cause they thought we knew him. He kept us on edge for that snack. But Ty & I made it home ok. Thanks for the string cheese Corey!

SHAKA ZINE said...
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