Confessions From a Dense Whore

Snapped this pic last night, thru the window of that Island Keepsakes store at the corner of Nuuanu and Hotel Street. I never read "the good book" all the way thru (I put it down when they stopped being naked), but living in the U.S. of A., you can't avoid being bombarded by fanatical freaks force-feeding you their interpretations of it. Now that someone's translated it into Hawaiian Creole English and put 'em on a T-shirt, I realize I've broken all the rules! Wait. Since I confessed right now, I could just rub my pearl necklace and say 10 "Oh pleeeeze, Mary!"s, and I'll be forgiven. Right?
Coolo!

Da Pidgin Ten Commandments Hawaiian Style

1. God is numbah one.
(IBS is number 2)

2. No make da kine statues
(does a blow-upp doll count?)

3.Watch yo' mout. No swea wit God's name.
(Say 'doggonit', or 'dadgummit', or like my PE teacher : "Gunfunnit!"....Mr Kubo, if you're reading this, I still wear the aforementioned pearl necklace you gave me under the bleachers that night during homecoming '87)

4. On Sunday, no can do notting.
(But that's like a busy day at the bath house, expecially on a Long's long weekend like this)

5. Leesen to yo' muddah and yo' faddah.
(Mom's cool, but I haven't talked to my Dad in years, and my sugardaddy's hella fulla shiznit)

6. No murder nobody.
(That's a double negative, so...just "bury" 'em in the Ala Wai)

7. No go moemoe with yo' bradah's wahine.
(What about cheating on my high school girlfriend with her little brother?)

8. No cockroach notting.
(ya, suck the roach first, then the cock, but not the roach cock)

9. No lie, brah!
(Oh...my bad. I never broke this one)

10. No be jealous of one noddah person's stuffs.
(Not no more, ExtenZe is Free!)

Oh, and one noddah ting...
no talk stink about nobody, bumbye you get bachi.
(ya....just start a blog)

Jesus love you. Go to churchy.